February 2023
February 2023
Urologist calls me. 45 second call. Cancer has spread. No reason for surgery. Goodbye. A masked medical oncologist comes into the aging dirty-white exam room. Laminated safety signs on the wall. No evidence that humanity has ever existed here. The oncologist says “Based upon the scans and the other data from biopsies we have on hand, you have a projected lifespan of 5.5 years. Some of those years might have a less than desired quality of life. There is no cure but there is medication that will delay the progression of the disease. Without the medication, your lifespan is 6-18 months. There are numerous side effects with the medication. A nurse case manager will call you and review the potential side effects. Do you have any questions?” Nurse case manager calls. Feels like how a five minute reading of your last rites might feel re: the side effects from the meds. Do you have any questions? Radiation oncologist. “I have many patients that have such side effects from the medication that they stop taking it. Your muscle will turn to fat. You will gain weight. You may not be able to work. Any questions?”
Hate the popular mantra of fighting cancer. As if you died because you weren’t a fighter. Awful.
Life today, even with all the losses is good to great. Every minute. All because of the people around me. Some may know and others don’t. I am not fighting but reinventing. Like I always have.